haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize