I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
