Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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