were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
