I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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