I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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