If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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