shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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