Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
