hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
