apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
