The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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