it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
