mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
