Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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