Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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