my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
