I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
