I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
