dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
