"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
