i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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