My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
