WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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