she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
