I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
