A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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