This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
