awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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