That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
