There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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