What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
