Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
