you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
