But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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