Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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