I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
try to milk me bitch
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