I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
