I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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