I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got inside last night via doggy door
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
