There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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