I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
