i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
