i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
