THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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