hotel room ftw
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
