her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
