i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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