That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
