I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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