its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
