my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
