Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
