It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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