Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
