Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
