You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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