she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
