I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i now understand why vodka
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
