can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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