He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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