Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
