she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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