im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
