Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
